This one had me laughing out loud so I thought I'd pass it on. I read it in Country Magazine, one of my favorite mags.
In a trial, a small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly woman, to the stand. As he approached her, he asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
"Yes, Mr. Williams, I know you," she replied. "I've known you since you were a boy and, frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think your a big shot, but you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
"Yes, I do," she replied. "I've know Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy and bigoted. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the state."
The judge asked both attorneys to approach the bench. In a very quiet voice he said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."