I have hardly posted for a few months now and am sorry dear readers, but I have been going through my own personal hell.
Long excruciating story short. My husband of 15 years has left and now wants a divorce leaving me with 4 children and a small homestead to take care of. We just moved to a "fixer upper" and I of course assumed when we moved here that I would have his help. No such luck I'm afraid.
Suddenly I'm looking at a totally different life. And the question is can I do all the homesteading chores, plus raise four children, plus work? I think it is possible because I love this life. My children love this life. And I believe it is giving them a wonderful childhood.
Separating from my husband has been so incredibly painful, not because of myself, but because of my children. They love him so much and it is very hard to explain why we are divorcing. Since the beginning of our marriage he has been emotionally and mentally abusive and manipulative. Finally I came to the point where I told him (two years ago) that he had to seek counseling or I would have to leave for my own mental well being. He never went, even when I made the appointments for him.
So now it's over. He has told me he knows he's abusive, that he can't change and he is just like his dad and grandpa. I asked him if he would go to counseling and he said no, that it wouldn't help him (revision: now he says he just doesn't want to go). So that's it I guess.
How is life going now that I am separated? I have always done most of the work around our place like yard maintenance and small repairs, animal care, as well as all the womanly chores. So this weekend I learned (thank God for Youtube) how to wire and install my dryer that was so kindly donated to me, fixed the goat fence, did repair work to the house. And today I am sewing some curtains from fabric I got at the good will. Mending clothing, applying for jobs, baking bread, and possibly putting up a wall to shield the wood pile from snow if I have time! Not to mention I already got the kids off to school, fed and watered the animals, did laundry, and vacuumed the house.
I find that I am happier without him here to put me down. And the children are adjusting. It is what it is.