Why I LOVE it When Telephone Scammers Call Me

Most people hate it when telephone scammers call.  The guy with the thick middle eastern accent who says his name is Jim (sure!), trying to get you to give them your personal information.  I used to get highly annoyed as well and would try to get off the phone with a quick "Sorry, not interested bye!" and hang up.  But after awhile I reconsidered my abrupt end to the conversation.  After all these guys are working really hard to steal my money, I might as well make their day interesting for them.  And if they are going to try and steal my money don't I deserve some fun too!

My eldest daughter who is 16 loves to listen to these conversations.  She is usually hovering in the backround trying to keep her hysterical laughter quiet so she can hear my next comment. 

Here is my latest conversation with a scammer:

Me: Hello?

Jim (thick middle eastern accent):  Yes hello ma'am my name is Jim and I work at "....".  We are a company that works for Microsoft and see that your computer is sending out error messages.  This is a problem so I am calling to help you"  Note:  This is a common scam to get your computer info so they can hack you

Me:  I'm sorry We're Amish, we don't believe in computers

Pause while Jim looks through his script for an answer to that one

Jim: (confused voice) I have never gotten that answer before.  Ma'm I am calling because your computer is sending us an error message.

Me:  Sorry Jim but we don't have a computer because we're Amish.  We think technology is of the devil. Do you know who the devil is Jim?

In background Eldest Daughter has to shove napkin in her mouth to muffle the shrieks of laughter.

Silence from Jim, thinking of appropriate response

Jim: Yes ma'am I know who the devil is

Me:  Well you see Jim we think technology serves the devil.  The apocalypse is coming.  Save yourself Jim, save yourself! And have a nice day!

I hang up

Note:  I know amish people don't think that technology serves the devil, but Jim doesn't!

Conversation from earlier this month:

Me: Hello

Alex really thick middle eastern accent:  Hello Ma'am my name is Alex and I am calling from "....." on behalf of Microsoft because we see that your computer is sending out an error message. (we must be on some sort of list)

Me:  An error message oh no!

Alex:  Yes Ma'am, it is very serious but I am here to help walk you through getting your computer to stop sending the error message out.

Me:  Oh thank you Alex!  By the way where are you from?

Alex:  We are based out of Denver Ma'am.

Me:  No I mean where are you at physically right now?

Alex:  I am in middle Asia ma'am.

Me enthusiastic voice:  Middle Asia! How cool... is that like.. in Australia?

Alex: Pause.... No ma'am not by Australia.

Me:  Oh then is it by like.... England?

Alex:  Pause...Yes Ma'am we are close to England. 

Me:  Wow Alex that is so cool, you must have tons of pandas there.  Well what info do you need, my social security number, bank account, that kind of stuff?

Alex:  (obviously we are going off script to much at this point)  Ma'am I am calling about your computer sending out an error message so I will need info from your computer.

Me:  Oh Alex I'm so sorry but I just realized I don't have a computer, but have a great day! Hang up

These conversations do me worlds of good by breaking me out of my  routine and brightening my day.  My only sadness is that I don't get more scam calls because they are so much fun!

So I encourage you to not get angry when a scammer calls.  Have fun, be wacky!  They probably get board stealing money from little old ladies all day and could use some diversion.  I cant wait for my next call!