I have hardly posted for a few months now and am sorry dear readers, but I have been going through my own personal hell.
Long excruciating story short. My husband of 15 years has left and now wants a divorce leaving me with 4 children and a small homestead to take care of. We just moved to a "fixer upper" and I of course assumed when we moved here that I would have his help. No such luck I'm afraid.
Suddenly I'm looking at a totally different life. And the question is can I do all the homesteading chores, plus raise four children, plus work? I think it is possible because I love this life. My children love this life. And I believe it is giving them a wonderful childhood.
Separating from my husband has been so incredibly painful, not because of myself, but because of my children. They love him so much and it is very hard to explain why we are divorcing. Since the beginning of our marriage he has been emotionally and mentally abusive and manipulative. Finally I came to the point where I told him (two years ago) that he had to seek counseling or I would have to leave for my own mental well being. He never went, even when I made the appointments for him.
So now it's over. He has told me he knows he's abusive, that he can't change and he is just like his dad and grandpa. I asked him if he would go to counseling and he said no, that it wouldn't help him (revision: now he says he just doesn't want to go). So that's it I guess.
How is life going now that I am separated? I have always done most of the work around our place like yard maintenance and small repairs, animal care, as well as all the womanly chores. So this weekend I learned (thank God for Youtube) how to wire and install my dryer that was so kindly donated to me, fixed the goat fence, did repair work to the house. And today I am sewing some curtains from fabric I got at the good will. Mending clothing, applying for jobs, baking bread, and possibly putting up a wall to shield the wood pile from snow if I have time! Not to mention I already got the kids off to school, fed and watered the animals, did laundry, and vacuumed the house.
I find that I am happier without him here to put me down. And the children are adjusting. It is what it is.
You can do this.... teach your kids how to help, please yourself with your projects, eat dark chocolate and march on....
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear all you are going through. You have an up hill battle ahead of you, but I believe you can still do it after all you have four helping hands. Just make sure you don't take all of these things on by yourself. Mistake I made in the past was it was better to just do it myself instead of go behind them to make sure it was right. Bad move on my part because they got used to me doing it all. Now we are revamping that idea. Accept help. Not just from your kids, but from friends and family. Prayers for you.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! I know it's tough, but you can do it. Youtube is a great resource for learning how to do many things not taught to women traditionally. If you love what you are doing you will find a way.
ReplyDeleteSending prayers in your behalf, May God be with you in all you do.
ReplyDeleteI do think you will make it just fine. You are a strong hard working woman. I am sure it is very hard to have your husband of 15 years gone. But I always believe that if we just listen to our hearts we know what we must do for ourselves as well as our children. I have not been in your situation, however I have a sister that has, although she doesn't have a homestead she took our mama in to care for. I like your blog a lot and will be thinking of you. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteSome of the best years my two girls and I had were when I FINALLY left my emotionally abusive husband. I suddenly had MORE TIME for them, and found I was able to reach out to other moms in my community for a social life for my family. We joined a hiking club for moms and kids, went to the zoo when the weather was good, and best of all, our HOME became someplace I wanted to be. I found that both girls were HAPPIER because there was a decrease in the unhappiness and stress in our home.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have your hands full. But don't forget that your children's father needs to step up and support you and your children financially. You may need to back up a bit on your goals, but you still have everything you need to accomplish them. It just takes time, and faith and an abiding trust in yourself.
Hugs
YOU CAN DO THIS! Children can help no matter what their ages are, even toddlers can pick up toys and help feed animals to help out mama. All my kids always had chores on the homestead and every single one of them can cook, clean, do laundry and so much more that their peers can't do and I have had my kids thank me for it. Life skills are worth teaching and learning. Don't worry about it getting done like you would have done it because it takes practice and experience and that's what you are giving them. Also ask for help and don't be embarrassed because most people have been through tough times and would gladly help you out.Prayers to you and your family and prayers to your husband - may he find the strength to face his problems and fight for his family GOD willing!! Prayers and peace!
ReplyDeleteJD from NY
You're going to be FINE. As others have said, you have four helpers. It is not cruel to expect kids to help, and it does not steal their childhood. Obviously they have to have SOME time to be kids, but not ALL the time. Having them help builds skills and discipline-- in other words, it builds ADULTS, which is where this whole childhood thing is supposed to ultimately end up.
ReplyDeleteYou are smart, and strong, and thrifty, and you are going to be FINE.
And, in case you're wondering, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
Thank you for the encouragement! I agree wholeheartedly about building future adults. My children have always had their age appropriate chores to do.
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